For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord. . .
Jeremiah 29:11
I'm so blessed to have the life I have. A husband who loves me unconditionally and irrevocably, the most supportive and loving family and friends, the most rewarding job, and two fuzzy and affectionate dogs. Tony and I have been blessed with 4 years of marriage bliss and I can honestly say that he Is my best friend and God's perfect match for me.
I always thought I had control over my life and decisions. I realized that God was always in control, but that if I worked for something hard enough I could achieve it, the sky is the limit!
So Tony and I had a plan to wait to have kids until I was done with nursing school, had a good job and paid off some bills. We were so excited to start trying, I even started calculating when our baby would be due based on when we conceived. I thought for sure I was pregnant the first month, feeling "early" pregnancy symptoms, getting nervous and excited about our future, but it didn't happen. Not the next month or the next. Now were pushing a year and a half.
I had to finally have peace with it after 6 months. It was consuming my life, my thoughts, my energy. I had to stop obsessing about becoming pregnant and just live life. Although it still makes my heart ache thinking that our plans for being parents may not be God's I have to trust that Gods plan is bigger and better than mine. It always is. So instead of spending our money on fertility specialist's, we're going to Hawaii.
You wouldn't believe how big fertility issues are. It could be that I have done countless hours of research on this topic, but the more I look into the more I realize that there are so many others struggling with the same heartache.
A few months ago I had a good friend of mine tell me 'Maybe God's plan for you looks differently than what you thought it would look like.' I may never have answers to why things happen, or in our case why they don't, but He has never failed me. He promises are always true.
'But I have trusted in your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in your salvation'
Psalms 13:5
