For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord. . .
Jeremiah 29:11
I'm so blessed to have the life I have. A husband who loves me unconditionally and irrevocably, the most supportive and loving family and friends, the most rewarding job, and two fuzzy and affectionate dogs. Tony and I have been blessed with 4 years of marriage bliss and I can honestly say that he Is my best friend and God's perfect match for me.
I always thought I had control over my life and decisions. I realized that God was always in control, but that if I worked for something hard enough I could achieve it, the sky is the limit!
So Tony and I had a plan to wait to have kids until I was done with nursing school, had a good job and paid off some bills. We were so excited to start trying, I even started calculating when our baby would be due based on when we conceived. I thought for sure I was pregnant the first month, feeling "early" pregnancy symptoms, getting nervous and excited about our future, but it didn't happen. Not the next month or the next. Now were pushing a year and a half.
I had to finally have peace with it after 6 months. It was consuming my life, my thoughts, my energy. I had to stop obsessing about becoming pregnant and just live life. Although it still makes my heart ache thinking that our plans for being parents may not be God's I have to trust that Gods plan is bigger and better than mine. It always is. So instead of spending our money on fertility specialist's, we're going to Hawaii.
You wouldn't believe how big fertility issues are. It could be that I have done countless hours of research on this topic, but the more I look into the more I realize that there are so many others struggling with the same heartache.
A few months ago I had a good friend of mine tell me 'Maybe God's plan for you looks differently than what you thought it would look like.' I may never have answers to why things happen, or in our case why they don't, but He has never failed me. He promises are always true.
'But I have trusted in your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in your salvation'
Psalms 13:5
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Monday, September 3, 2012
what we worship.
What do you worship?
Really, truly think about that question. . . . . .
What consumes your thoughts, time, bank account . . . ?
Because if we're honest with ourselves there are many things in this world that we worship every minute of everyday. We get so caught up in our busy lives that we continually forget to credit the one who gives us life.
Over these past few months I've been able to read some incredible books during my night shift; fiction novels taking place around 50 years after Christs Crucifixion and Resurrection. In theses series they speak of Christians facing death because of their faith. Literally the Romans would throw 10-20 Christians into a den as a pre-game entertainment and open the doors to starving lion's and lionesses who would rip them to shreds. Mother's and Fathers with their children as young as 5 years old. While reading these books I've come to understand how much I take for granted my freedom to worship and how little I actually do. These men and women couldn't refrain from worshiping God in the midst of their tribulations. Over the past few months and after the sermon last weekend I've began to ask myself were lies my greatest worship in life? Is it in others, myself, my relationships, my husband, my health, my want's and desires? Am I literally falling on my face worshiping the God of the universe because he deserves nothing short of that, or am I just skimming the surface in my worship and praise to him.
'I want loving-kindness and not a gift to be given in worship. I want people to know God instead of giving burnt gifts' Hosea 6:6
Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Romans 6:13
He gave me life and life completely. So does he deserve anything less than all of me?
Really, truly think about that question. . . . . .
What consumes your thoughts, time, bank account . . . ?
Because if we're honest with ourselves there are many things in this world that we worship every minute of everyday. We get so caught up in our busy lives that we continually forget to credit the one who gives us life.
Over these past few months I've been able to read some incredible books during my night shift; fiction novels taking place around 50 years after Christs Crucifixion and Resurrection. In theses series they speak of Christians facing death because of their faith. Literally the Romans would throw 10-20 Christians into a den as a pre-game entertainment and open the doors to starving lion's and lionesses who would rip them to shreds. Mother's and Fathers with their children as young as 5 years old. While reading these books I've come to understand how much I take for granted my freedom to worship and how little I actually do. These men and women couldn't refrain from worshiping God in the midst of their tribulations. Over the past few months and after the sermon last weekend I've began to ask myself were lies my greatest worship in life? Is it in others, myself, my relationships, my husband, my health, my want's and desires? Am I literally falling on my face worshiping the God of the universe because he deserves nothing short of that, or am I just skimming the surface in my worship and praise to him.
You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds,
O God our savior.
You are the hope of everyone on earth,
even those who sail on distant seas.
You formed the mountains by your power
and armed yourself with mighty strength.
You quieted the raging oceans
with their pounding waves
and silenced the shouting of the nations.
Those who live at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your wonders.
From where the sun rises to where it sets,
you inspire shouts of joy.
O God our savior.
You are the hope of everyone on earth,
even those who sail on distant seas.
You formed the mountains by your power
and armed yourself with mighty strength.
You quieted the raging oceans
with their pounding waves
and silenced the shouting of the nations.
Those who live at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your wonders.
From where the sun rises to where it sets,
you inspire shouts of joy.
Psalm 65:5-8
Go back and read that again.
He is the Hope of EVERYONE on earth. He Formed the mountains by his power, he quieted the raging oceans. He allowes the sun to rise and set. How great is our God? We try to place God in our little box because our tiny brains can't wrap around a being that created the entire universe galaxies, stars, and everything within it and yet still loves us uncondtionally, individually. He is I AM.
Many assume that my faith is some niave, empty attempt to feel purpose in this life. That is is just a religion that I follow because I was brought up this way and that just because I believe this, that I'm not necessarily right and others are wrong. I have to constantly remind myself daily 'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against
the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly realms' Ephesians 6:12.
I worship because he deserves more than that. He created me. loves me. accepts me. forgives me. protects me. cherishes me. provides. He deserves all the glory and honor and praise from my lips every single moment of every single day.
'I want loving-kindness and not a gift to be given in worship. I want people to know God instead of giving burnt gifts' Hosea 6:6
Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Romans 6:13
He gave me life and life completely. So does he deserve anything less than all of me?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
for my mom... whom I love and miss everyday.
AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER- ROCKY MOUNTAINS JUNE 2012
In January of this year I saw a post on facebook from my friend at church about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Rocky Mountains. It is a two day event where you walk 39.2 miles from Keystone to Breck in 2 days... She was asking for someone to do it with her. SO during this time I had been dealing with some personal issues (more on that later) and decided that this would be a great distractor. So I signed up and committed to raising $1,800 and preparing to walk 40 miles in 2 days.... WAS I CRAZY?!?!? Yes, but I would do it all over again... I was the most painful, tiring, emotional, wonderful experience that I've had! First of all I would recommend a competition/ sporting event for anyone who wants to get into shape.. You have to train or literally you will fall over dead. Literally. I thought people were crazy training 4-8 months in advance for competition sports, but after completing one now I realize that it is most necessary.
I have to be honest. When I started this I really had no connection with breast cancer or the devastating effects on individuals and their families. I have one aunt on my Mom's side who was diagnosed with BC, but she survived and is cancer free. If you know me, you know that I'm stupid emotional (I cry during the last scene of 'The Little Mermaid') so I was guessing that it would be hard, but seeing the survivors, hearing stories and seeing the tears stream down my fellow walkers faces as they remembered their mothers, sisters, grandparents who are no longer with them nearly broke my heart. It saddened me to think of the many lives lost to this disease, and gives me a great sense of appreciation for my health... One particular sign affected me more than others, and it stated 'For my Mom, who I love with all my heart and miss EVERYDAY'. Honestly tears began to form in my eyes before I even finished reading it and when I approached her to give my condolences, she said she doesn't know what it says and can't bear to read it until she's done with the walk...
Not only was this weekend memorable because of the walkers, but mostly for my teammate Sarah. We had been friends from Church and I had watched her boys for a number of months, but we really didn't know intimate details about each other.... Let me tell you something.... you want to create a bond with someone... Walk 40 miles and literally be connected at the hip for 3 days! I came into this thinking that we would at least be great motivators for each other, but instead created such a wonderful bond with this woman. I couldn't have chosen a better person to do this with and praise God that he placed us together. We shared our pasts, our fears, our hurts, our hopes and dreams and in doing that created an everlasting friendship! We complained together, cried together, Laughed A LOT, and all around I had an amazing time!
We are smiling, but don't let that fool you... We were in writhing pain.....
Day 2- 13.4 miles...
The finish line never looked so good.... In saying this we were overwhelmed by the major accomplishment and the determination that had carried us through. It took us 10 hours on Saturday and around 5 on Sunday, but by the Grace of God we completed all 39.2 miles! Although completing the walk was a huge praise, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing woman that God placed in my life and friendship that came out of this journey. After the weekend I felt as if I had gained another sister in her and friendship/ bond that will last a lifetime. It's amazing what you can gain in this life if you push yourself, go out on a limb and trust God's plan. So Sarah here's to you... Thank you for the amazing journey, the laughs and tears and I will forever remember this weekend!
Top Quotes of the weekend:
"Everything hurts, including my ______"
"Well the good thing is I can't feel my legs anymore"
"I'm like a crock pot, I need a 24 hour notice"
"Pump your fists, and kick out your legs... in unison"
"You know your tired, when you don't want to get up from the port-a-potty"
"Your almost there!!!! Hang in there!!!"
"This is the only circumstance where it is acceptable for a total stranger to ask you "are you peeing?"
In January of this year I saw a post on facebook from my friend at church about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Rocky Mountains. It is a two day event where you walk 39.2 miles from Keystone to Breck in 2 days... She was asking for someone to do it with her. SO during this time I had been dealing with some personal issues (more on that later) and decided that this would be a great distractor. So I signed up and committed to raising $1,800 and preparing to walk 40 miles in 2 days.... WAS I CRAZY?!?!? Yes, but I would do it all over again... I was the most painful, tiring, emotional, wonderful experience that I've had! First of all I would recommend a competition/ sporting event for anyone who wants to get into shape.. You have to train or literally you will fall over dead. Literally. I thought people were crazy training 4-8 months in advance for competition sports, but after completing one now I realize that it is most necessary.
I have to be honest. When I started this I really had no connection with breast cancer or the devastating effects on individuals and their families. I have one aunt on my Mom's side who was diagnosed with BC, but she survived and is cancer free. If you know me, you know that I'm stupid emotional (I cry during the last scene of 'The Little Mermaid') so I was guessing that it would be hard, but seeing the survivors, hearing stories and seeing the tears stream down my fellow walkers faces as they remembered their mothers, sisters, grandparents who are no longer with them nearly broke my heart. It saddened me to think of the many lives lost to this disease, and gives me a great sense of appreciation for my health... One particular sign affected me more than others, and it stated 'For my Mom, who I love with all my heart and miss EVERYDAY'. Honestly tears began to form in my eyes before I even finished reading it and when I approached her to give my condolences, she said she doesn't know what it says and can't bear to read it until she's done with the walk...
Not only was this weekend memorable because of the walkers, but mostly for my teammate Sarah. We had been friends from Church and I had watched her boys for a number of months, but we really didn't know intimate details about each other.... Let me tell you something.... you want to create a bond with someone... Walk 40 miles and literally be connected at the hip for 3 days! I came into this thinking that we would at least be great motivators for each other, but instead created such a wonderful bond with this woman. I couldn't have chosen a better person to do this with and praise God that he placed us together. We shared our pasts, our fears, our hurts, our hopes and dreams and in doing that created an everlasting friendship! We complained together, cried together, Laughed A LOT, and all around I had an amazing time!
We were feeling pretty confident here, but if you would have seen us about 6 miles later you would have thought someone had run us over with a truck.
Top Quotes of the weekend:
"Everything hurts, including my ______"
"Well the good thing is I can't feel my legs anymore"
"I'm like a crock pot, I need a 24 hour notice"
"Pump your fists, and kick out your legs... in unison"
"You know your tired, when you don't want to get up from the port-a-potty"
"Your almost there!!!! Hang in there!!!"
"This is the only circumstance where it is acceptable for a total stranger to ask you "are you peeing?"
why oh why.
So Here Goes Nothing....
My. Very. First. Blog. For some time now I've wanted to start a blog... and seeing how I work a night shift in which I seriously have around 7-8 hours of down time :/ I've decided there is no better time...
I'm emotional, affectionate, at times a bit irrational, and suffer from a moderate case of OCD. I live a rewardingly simple life with my super-dooper husband, our special needs labrador and our attention seeking golden retriever. In doing blogging research I found that many have a theme and purpose to their pages... I blog to differ..... I will be all over the place, sort of as I am in life. So lets share life... Whether it's food, laughter, tears, pain, joy, anger, failure or triumph... Let's Do It! It will be random and at times chaotic, but none less than organized chaos.
My. Very. First. Blog. For some time now I've wanted to start a blog... and seeing how I work a night shift in which I seriously have around 7-8 hours of down time :/ I've decided there is no better time...
I'm emotional, affectionate, at times a bit irrational, and suffer from a moderate case of OCD. I live a rewardingly simple life with my super-dooper husband, our special needs labrador and our attention seeking golden retriever. In doing blogging research I found that many have a theme and purpose to their pages... I blog to differ..... I will be all over the place, sort of as I am in life. So lets share life... Whether it's food, laughter, tears, pain, joy, anger, failure or triumph... Let's Do It! It will be random and at times chaotic, but none less than organized chaos.
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